There’s always a lot of discussion about whether lolita is just a fashion, or a lifestyle. As ever, people tend to be polarized on the subject. As ever, I find myself walking the line up the middle between the two ideas and taking the safe agnostic approach– to each her own.
Personally I don’t think wearing lolita means you can’t, or shouldn’t, swear or make dirty jokes or drink– if that’s what you normally do, at least. I do think you might want to curb that a little, if you are the kind of person who normally cusses like a sailor or something like that– it just seems weird otherwise. Unless you’re wearing sailor loli! (Cymbal crash here, please.) But that’s just my opinion.
In my experience, the Japanese sort of fall into the same categories as non-Japanese as far as lolita etiquette: some believe your personality should match your clothes, while others act as they probably do on a normal basis. In the end I think its a matter of whether these people consider themselves “girls who wear lolita fashion” and “girls who consider themselves lolitas”. The ones who have created a lifestyle around being a lolita extend that cuteness or loveliness to their whole persona; but then, who is to say whether they were just that cute to begin with? I think you have to have a pretty cute core to become a lolita, anyway. I will admit though, when I see a lolita acting in an especially “unloli” manner I tend to think, “Did she just grab that dress cheap at a resale shop because she wanted to ‘be a lolita’ for a day?”
I think it’s pretty interesting to watch the reactions of non-lolitas in those situations though. For example, I went to a live where there were a few other lolis in the audience, including one wearing Baby’s cutsew OP from a few seasons ago. In order to jump and dive more freely, she yanked off her petticoat gracelessly (though without exposing anything). This earned a few raised brows. Later she sat down to have a smoke and sip a plastic cup of beer. If she’d been wearing a t-shirt, or a punk outfit– or even a gyaru getup, let’s be honest– that would have been almost expected, but she earned the scorn of everyone around her just by being normal when people weren’t expecting it.
Sometimes I see lolitas being a little… ridiculous, really. For example there have been several occasions when I’ve seen a girl in lolita clinging to a friend or boyfriend, sometimes a parent, like a small child– like she’s afraid to let go. This might be because he shoes are too hard to walk in, but I think most of the time its because she wants to look completely helpless. From my perspective as a modern American girl, I would never want to be completely helpless, nor appear completely helpless, regardless of my clothing choices. Perhaps I even think of lolita in sort of a feminist light– I certainly don’t dress like this to get the attention of men. And I never considered being ladylike to being on par with being weak– regardless of what Momoko might say! People seem to forget that she ends up being an ass-kicker in the end, anyway (pardon the French… and if you are French, pardon my sense of humour!).
At the same time though, I have seen a lolita being chauffeured about in an old Rolls Royce like the one pictured to the left (sadly I didn’t take a picture at the time, as I’d forgotten my camera– naturally!). Talk about living the lolita lifestyle! I found that endearing and adorable. So I guess, to each her own.
Honestly though, I think the so-called “brolitas” (I hate that term, by the way), really have it down. I’ve never seen a boy in lolita behave as anything other than adorable. I’ve occasionally been annoyed by a falsetto here and there, but otherwise I think it’s quite cute.
On that topic, I’ve been asked if male lolitas are very common in Japan. I don’t think so, really, at least not compared to their female counterparts. But you do find them every now and then, at events or having tea with a group of female friends. Oddly I’ve noticed that they’re generally the best-dressed in a group as well. Go figure.
As for me… I’m not sure I’d consider myself a “lifestyle loli”, as I observe the disaster area that is my very non-Victorian apartment, the floor scattered with band flyers and the sink stacked with dishes that my own not-so-delicate hands need to wash. But I do feel that, while wearing lolita, I tend to stand a little straighter– maybe a little prouder– and maybe smile a little more often. That feeling is so profound that I actually add a little lolita to every outfit I wear, even at work where I have a strict dress code, whether I sneak a pair of Baby the Stars Shine Bright socks by or just pin my hair back with an Innocent World trump-themed hair clip.
But, to each her own. Everything always is.